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I am strong and professional and able. I have kick-ass coping strategies and and I have no idea why they failed.


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But coping failed. I felt the lock open and the memory encompassed my entire being. Not the location of house, or the exact year, or day. The feeling of his body on me, crushing me. The hot and the cold. The way my voice sounded like my mouth was full of rocks when I said no.

The anger.

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The shame. The fear. The profound thankfulness that in that moment I did not get raped.

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Sharing this experience now I feel detached. I feel nothing. The experience is locked back up in the brain where it belongs. But in that moment I could not detach. So our bikes were stolen a couple of months ago.

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Cut right off the lock in the locked bike storage area. And I was pissed. We were pissed. And I posted on social media. I did not ask for either experience. I did not ask for my bike to be stolen, or my trust to be stolen. And I shared. The bike incident did not earn me a call questioning my motives for sharing. I was not told that expressing my opinion that the person who stole our bikes could GF himself was wrong.

The upside down does not make sense. So we finish the day because some days that is all we can do. And we share our stories. And we support each other. And we VOTE. The upside down will have a right side up.

And wine is good. And TWD is starting. New season. Hints: Be kind to yourself. Enjoy the rain, breath it in.

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Experience something new. Tiny houses!

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Dance when you remember a tune in your head. Because who cares. Drink wine responsibly! Purify the must. We need more grapes. If we find more grapes we need a bigger fermenter. More must on the porch. More grapes for the ready. And purified. So we sit on the porch listening to Tim McGraw and Oingo Boingo, destemming and crushing and destemming for hours. Until 01a. All Pinot Noir clones originated in France. Many of these were smuggled into the US in a suitcase.

Observation — when I go in, I go all in. I research and learn. And study. And this is good. To be passionate about something. Also funny how big a decision to add something to the mix. Research and asks. And Campden tablets. And trust. We would like to combine our fruit — in a day or so. After the starts.


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But we need to do more research. With patience.

Which means getting up a bit earlier. To squish the must and measure. With care. Purifying between vessels. It bubbles and hisses.

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At present, we have good color. We feel the pH may be a bit high. We have solid grape juice. That is dropping sugar as it should. And patience.

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The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. He had the equipment. And they minimalized. Sold items on Offer-up and Craigslist. Cash money for Ireland spending! No joke — no regrets. They moved. They adventure and visit wineries and vineyards, and taste wine.

And take inventory. And breathe. I want to make wine , she said. We have a small space , he reminded her. So she picked grapes. Lots of grapes. And he bought fermenters. Brix is at And we need more grapes. And a barrel.